2/6/10
The time has come. It seems like I began this blog eons ago, but my adventure in China is finally coming to an end. I frequently tell Hallie that I feel like I’ve lived my entire life in Shanghai, but at the same time, this experience has flown by quickly. I flew halfway around the world for really one thing: an epiphany. Did I get my desired emotional, grand feeling you ask? Nope, not even close to a light bulb moment or overwhelming flicker of, ‘Oh, this is what I’m supposed to do in life.’ Instead, I feel like I gained something(s) so much more.
I’ve decided that I enjoy making myself uncomfortable. I’m the girl who forces herself to watch scary movies, jump off waterfalls in Switzerland, travel to foreign countries not knowing the native language, major in a subject that I know doesn’t come naturally, and looks at something when someone tells me not to. I’m completely freaked out during these acts, but the thrill is the pay off. I am a mess. But my mess has made me scared, excited, proud, and maybe even disgusted sometimes. I know now that being uncomfortable pushes me to do great things. Things that I wouldn’t do if I didn’t test myself. I hate tests, but for some reason thrive on them. Being comfortable makes me lazy and although I’ve learned a thing or two about being lazy since college, I know that I don’t do lazy.
Living in Shanghai for the past 5 ½ months has made me realize a lot. A whole lot. (See my ‘Things I Miss Part 4’). This country is insane. There are customs and everyday occurrences that still are in no way OK with me. Despite how frustrated and grossed out I get, I can’t judge the way the Chinese live their lives. I think their tofu smells and they think my turkey sandwiches are nasty. We’ve got a deal. My patience is tried every single day and I’ve learned about how much s#&% I can tolerate. Patience was something I needed to work on and I feel like I’ve learned how to stand my own without completely going nuts.
Graceann once asked me if I liked kids. Everyone babysat in high school and college and while I babysat all last summer, I was more inclined to working a part-time job {than taking care of kids for extra money}. I’m pretty sure there were a few people worried about me tending to all these little tots everyday (if anyone knew it was almost 400 kids, I’m pretty sure they would tell me to stay home). Now I know, I love kids. I love, love kids. They have these little personalities and I loved getting to know my students. I’m not sure if teaching is a life-long career aspiration of mine, but the nuggets are going to be greatly missed. They grew and their English improved in the short time I taught them. The look on some of their faces when I had to say goodbye reassured me why I was here. If only Lucy and Anson could fit in my carry on….
Sweet Hallie. That’s what her family calls her and it’s quite a nice fit. My roommate, bestie, cooking buddy, movie-goer, venting partner, dance/workout acquaintance, co-worker, and (I’m going to do it and you can vomit on yourself if you feel the need…) sister has been such a wonderful part of my experience here in the East. I know that I wouldn’t have made it past that first week had I not been here with Hal. Living here has no doubt, been a big struggle. In good ways and in bad. Having a friend to help me through this process has been the greatest thing. I owe her so much! I’m sure my few bouts with sickness and weird quirks were interesting to deal with and I am thankful she never gave up on China. We learned a lot about each other’s families and friends, which allowed us to become better friends. Mainly, our jokes that made no sense (with our lack of social skills and American friends here) are what made this time so enjoyable! Love ya Hallie, I hope the fun continues.
Getting to see a part of the world that I thought I’d never get to see has been incredible. I’ve traveled to Beijing, Hangzhou, Suzhou, Xi’an, Harbin, Hong Kong, and Macau. Each city is different (although once you’ve seen one pagoda, you’ve see them all) and the structures and scenery have been truly breathtaking. It makes me want to travel even more. Hallie and I talk about how we need to experience traveling more in the United States even. Having seen all these places has opened my eyes and allowed me to wonder about seeing more and living life.
Overall, I feel like the most grateful person on the face of the earth. My family and friends are the best support and I never could have guessed the capacity at which I miss them. The thought of being away from them again leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I love America, a country that allows us to think, feel, and do what we want. Things and rights that we don’t think twice about (freedom of speech, religion, etc.) are not a choice for the people here. For goodness sake they believe that leaving an onion in various rooms in your house fights off sickness. It’s sad to live amongst the censorship and the lies that the Chinese are told, which always reminds me that I’m thankful, American, and free. And on the surface, I will try and never take air conditioners, heaters, dryers, ovens, dishwashers, and clean air for granted. My kids wear 4 layers of clothing because it’s likely that the school won’t turn on the space heaters in the classrooms. I’ve definitely learned life lessons that will stay with me forever.
It wouldn’t be right to end this entry without some humor, so here it goes…I think I’ll live if I never have to witness someone hocking up a loogie, peeing on the sidewalk, hearing Chinese girls sing karaoke, seeing a baby’s bare butt peeking through it’s split pants, riding the Metro at rush hour, and the list goes on. I’m so happy that I had this life-changing experience, but am more than ready to be home!
My friends from college made me a photobook/quotebook before I left for China. The last quote in the book is one I tried to live by here:
Martin Luther King Jr. said that, “Men hate each other because they fear each other, and they fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they are often separated from each other.” Increased understanding of diverse people, their customs, values and ideas leads to a reduction of conflict based on ignorance and toward an improved foundation to seek peace.
Goodbye China, it’s been lovely.
It’s been great meeting you: Renshi ni shizai hen gaoxing
